Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We don't watch enough power rangers
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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