sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
