Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
