saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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