i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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