Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
