I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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