If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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