this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize