oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
