you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
