dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
