Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My underwear smells like fireworks.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
