The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
