So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
