I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
