Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
