If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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