I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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