I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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