i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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