she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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