Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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