So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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