Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
