pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
