Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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