o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
3pm strippers are depressing
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
