Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
