Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
