im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
