They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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