if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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