this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
