You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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