it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
