New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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