Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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