Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
