My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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