I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
