We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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