just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
