The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
