I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
