His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
