A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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