my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
