Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
