I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
