wanna go halves on a baby?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
