Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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