she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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