How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
