he shaved USA in his pubs
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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