I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
