that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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