So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
