You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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