Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
