the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
