I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize