I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize