I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
