Apparently you make a good broom.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
