I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
