the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
