Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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